Can We Discuss The Horror Of ‘Cheetos Kid?’

We keep our eyes out for trends around here. We’re hip like that. And usually, they’re harmless fun. Ryan Reynolds is running around dressed as Deadpool. Celebrities are dating or un-dating. Another “National Something Day” has arrived and we’re all in on the fun. But then things like this kid and his incredibly vicious Anti-Banana-Chip rant pop up in our feed, and we just want to cry.

A few notes before we let you watch.

First, this is definitely NSFW; kid’s got a vocabulary like a Tarantino film. More importantly, please don’t watch it just to watch it. Or for the novelty of it. Or to know what everyone else is talking about. That’s what the trolls want. That’s how they win. Finally, know that we have no way to edit the following, so all those dirty words are coming at you full blast. Liability = yours.

So, somehow THIS is trending. This ancient video of a rich white kid who desperately wants the right to slowly poison himself over time. And whose desire leads to the further poisoning of society at large. To be fair, this is not some malicious and terrible person. It’s a kid, who probably doesn’t know the definition of the words he’s using much less why they’re not good to use. He just knows that they get a reaction. The really scary thing is that nobody has reigned him in.

Somehow, this kid got access to a video camera. Then had time to set up an impromptu studio and semi-script his tirade. Then found a way to get it uploaded to the internet. Either he’s super tech-savvy or his parents enable/ encourage this behavior. The latter seems more likely, and that’s what really distresses us.

But Jack, aren’t you all about being a bad boy and misbehaving? Shouldn’t you LOVE this kid?

Maybe. But we think of ourselves as lovable rascals. Not entitled and affluent protestors who use valuable time to slam things of which we do not approve. And if we don’t approve of something, we have a reason for it. And we lay that reason out carefully and thoughtfully.

Because even slackers know that you’ve got to give something back to society. Even if it’s just music.

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